Why I am an Atheist

I did not initially intend to publish these two essays. I wrote them to work out these ideas for myself. But after I described them to some of my readers, I have been encouraged to publish them - probably because they sound like such a contradiction. How can anyone be both an Athiest and a Christian? This is the first of two essays to explain why I consider myself both - and see no contradiction in those positions.

I grew up in a Christian extended family - but my nuclear family was more or less agnostic. So while I was exposed to the Bible and its great stories at an early age, I was always expected to determine for myself what I believe in. Among the first books I read were two great collections of Mark Twain’s cynical and daring anti-Christian essays: Letters from the Earth and A Pen Warmed Up in Hell. As I recall, I had devoured these along with the Bible by the time I was 12.

I struggled with Christian philosophy and mysticism throughout my life, never willing to believe in the mysteries of virgin birth and all the other hooey - er - miracles... and never selfless enough to follow the shining example of Jesus. Gradually, I realized I have nothing but disdain for the former and only admiration for the latter.

Listening to hellfire and damnation sermons turned me right off of Christianity. No God who could create hell is worthy of worship. Nor have I ever been the least bit interested in the antiseptic, castrated heaven I heard extolled time and again by preachers and virtuous elders.

My bloodline is strongly Scottish, which means that more than with most people of European ancestry, Viking blood runs through my veins. If there is an afterlife, Valhalla is more my speed. Given my choice, I would much prefer a human place - a great hall and grounds filled with good-natured brawls, contests of wit, lots of tawdry sex, bad poetry, worse jokes, fantastic beer, and backslapping good times. A table provided but not oppressively dominated by a loving god, where I could find my old friends and meet new friends for a long quiet talk or a lively jam as the moment feels right. A place with endless wonders to explore.

Nice fantasy, but I see no evidence that the universe works that way. I am an empiricist. Not willing to believe what I don’t see evidence for. Fascinated with the marvelous universe our great scientists and philosophers have been unveiling - or rather the models they have been creating to better describe the universe we live in. They have gone so far, so much further than most of us even know, without bumping into heaven or hell or Valhalla or God and needing none of those to explain the wonders of the night sky. But this is not why I am an Atheist.

We cannot possibly know more than a tiny corner of our universe - a single grain of sand out of all the vast deserts and beaches that have ever existed throughout time. There is certainly plenty of room in this universe for an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent God.

Here’s a simple ontological argument for His/Her existence. Think back to the last time you were throwing up. As you knelt there with your head hanging over the toilet - feeling like you were about to die - disgusted because the toilet was not cleaned well enough - as the vomit was surging in your throat... Whom did you call upon? Whom did you beg to for release?

If in such a moment you did not call upon God, then you can honestly say that you truly do not believe in one. It’s been many a New Year since the last time I drank too much champaign, but I remember quite well moaning my need for a God as I paid my dues to the bubbly on a lurching and slightly out of focus New Year’s morning.

There cannot be any better proof of an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent God - for certainly no such creature would ever show itself directly to humanity. Especially if He truly did make us in His own image. The results would be all too predictable. Indeed they were predicted by Saint John the Divine in the greatly misunderstood Book of Revelation.

If God were to show up, announce Himself, and toss off a few miracles for proof, humanity would splinter as never before. Vast hordes of His worshipers would become mindless slaves. Others would go feral and take His presence as the sign that they must slaughter anyone who ever expressed the slightest variation from their own belief - regardless of what this now clearly present God told them to do or not to do. And a sizeable minority of us would decide that what we were encountering would have to be not a God, but a Fraud... a powerful alien with admittedly knock-out technology and a dangerous god complex who should be thwarted at every turn and destroyed as quickly as possible.

It is not God that I do not believe in. It is religion that I cannot believe. Well - I certainly believe religion exists, but its value in modern human society is more than questionable. Christian and Muslim leaders alike preach often against the evils of secular humanism. If they truly cared about humans as at least Jesus if not Mohammed teaches, they would have to look upon secular humanists not as evil competitors, but as partners in improving our common lot.

Here is a simple test: Do religious teachers choose to join hands to serve humanity or to fight each other with words and deeds and turn our world into a rancorous, bloody mess? The vast majority of religion fails again and again.

Pope Benedict XVI now preaches hellfire and damnation. Islamic mullahs call for war not only against Christianity and the Infidel, not only for murder of Shia by Sunni and vice-versa, but even for murder within their own sects. Evangelical Christianity in the USA has blindly brought our cherished democracy - the greatest gift of the Enlightenment to mankind - to its knees and the hands of their myopic preachers are wrapped in a stranglehold around the throat of our cherished liberties. Nor do I have any praise for Buddhists who counsel withdrawal from the human condition altogether. And as long as Israel oppresses Palestine, Judaism suffers the common judgement along with the rest.

Given the state and the history of religion, Atheism - the absence of religion - does not appear to be that bad an alternative. In fact, I pray that God is an Atheist. God help us if He turns out to be, say for example, a Mormon... There are only a few million of them. The remaining billions of us would then be condemned to whatever hell the Mormons believe in. So I really do pray that God is an Atheist. You might consider adding that to your evening prayers...

rbs